Sprite's Keeper

I wrote THAT?!?!

If you'll notice, I added a badge for Alltop to my site. All the bloggers seem to be doing it. I'm susceptible to peer pressure. I want to fit in. So, I'm doing it too.

I wasn't sure about what exactly I needed to do, so I sent an email to the Alltop people, half suspicious I was actually sending an email to Alltell, so I may be signed up for a 2 year contract without even knowing it. (You wanna be one of my five?)

Just so you can see how seriously tired I am and how much I am in need of sleep (or help), I copied the email to show you what will probably be Exhibit A at my court hearing:

Good evening,

I read through About Alltop and added your badge to my site. Is there anything else I need to do to be considered for linking at your site?

I'm sure the information was in the terms, and I merely glossed over them, but I have a toddler and mommy brain and I'm not even sure I'm emailing the right people, so just in case, I'm going to ask you to also please cancel my Sunday paper subscription.

Many thanks,

A mommy blogger

Jen Cohen

www.spriteskeeper.com

--------------------------

I hope they're not too pissed. And I REALLY hope they forward the request to cancel my Sunday paper. The coupons just aren't worth it anymore!

Water Water Everywhere

Living here in SW Florida, we are surrounded by water. The Gulf of Mexico is immediately to our left. If we happen out about 120 miles to the right, we'll hit the Atlantic Ocean. Basically, if you spin around real fast until you get dizzy, well, just keep walking. Eventually, you'll reach SOME body of water. Or, if you see some peach trees, then you've probably hit Georgia.

Now, being so close to the beach, you would probably think we're regular beach bums who can barely keep Sprite away from the water. Not exactly. Sprite has been to the beach one time, and that was to take some pictures. And the one time Sprite has been in a pool, she was only in toe deep when she started freaking out. She likes the tub. That's about it.

We found a water park area at the local park here and Sprite actually enjoys it. She likes it since she can still walk around, trying to catch water and trying to hang with the preschool set. We like it since she's not screaming bloody murder.

 

See the two to the left holding hands? That lasted about 5 seconds before the boy slapped her. Ah, young love..

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not afraid. I'm not-

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm afraid!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can do this. It's just water.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's just-

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daddy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted out anyway. I was starting to prune..

 

 

 

 

I think I'll just lay out for a while and catch some sun.

(Editor's Note: We did not allow her to lay out for any longer than just after the picture was taken as that would not be good for her and she would have made a cumbersome obstacle for the kids who were running around the area. So to avoid injury and possible sunburns, we called it a day. But still, the picture is pretty cute, right?)

Snarky, S-N-A-R-K-Y, Snarky

I'm watching the Scripps Spelling Bee right now while trying to set up my weekend photo essays. These kids impress the hell out of me and if we were ever involved in a spell off, I would cheat. Ruthlessly.

It reminds me of the one time I was in a spelling bee in grade school. I had no idea there was one even happening that day and the entire literate population of the school gathered in the cafeteria for a school spelling bee. I was in 5th grade. I even remember that I was wearing a yellow shirt that day.

The words were easy at first.

"Spell CAT." Pfff. They must be kidding.

"Spell POOL." All right, weeding out the first graders.

"Spell SPANISH." The words became a little more difficult and more and more kids sat down. It was down to 2 students, me and a 4th grader. I was knocking the words out right and left, but so was he.

Then, they gave me the word CONCH.

Wha?

I'd never heard of that word before! "Can I have the definition?"

"A conch is the shell of a gastropod." (Yeah, that helped. I didn't even know what a gastropod was, but I could sound it out!)

"C-O-N-K. Conch."

The buzzer sounded. The fourth grader won. His next word would have been atmosphere. He didn't know how to spell it. I did.

I found out later that day that a Conch is also a nickname for Key West residents and I haven't liked Key West since.

Consider it May Sweeps..

All right, people, I'm linking a repeat, but here's why:

Here's the scoop on what made Typepad poop. (I know, I know, no more poop references, but it sounded funny when I thought it, it looks even funnier on screen, and you just have to DEAL!)

Typepad changed some things up last week. Nothing that you see, but all Typepad people know that their backstage prep areas (you know, the compose screens) looked a little different. Things were giveth. Things were taketh away. I didn't mind for the most part.

Until my posts were affected. Grr.

I wrote http://www.spriteskeeper.com/my_weblog/2008/05/foresight.html and had it set to publish on May 21. It published all right, but anyone who was logging into my site via spriteskeeper.com couldn't see it since, somehow, the domain name went inactive when the change happened, so new posts were presumed MIA and you all know I publish every day, so I started getting emails and calls (Thanks, Mom.) which alerted me to the error. I sent a ticket into Typepad and blasted them (kindly, of course, or some snarky Typepad geek would have renamed my site cryptkeeper or something.) and tried to get them to solve it.

Didn't happen too quickly (I guess there is no 8pm to 8am shift at Typepad) and I was checking into things myself while seated next to my geek husband who also did some snooping. I found out MYSELF that the doman was inactive so I activated it. MYSELF. (John was in the shower when I found out why we were having communication issues- the site, not us..)

Next morning, problem fixed. MYSELF. (Sorry, but I'm proud of that.) Now, the missing posts. The Foresight (For Naught?) post was completely gone save for 2 lonely comments. And another post I had written which hadn't published yet was also missing. SO, I sent Typepad even more nasty (Nice!) tickets to look into restoring my posts and Foresight has finally been returned. (The search party has been called off and the posters are being recycled.) Still looking for an ETA on my other missing post which I had to start re-writing and is driving me crazy since the content is not as polished or snarky as it was before. And you know what they say about good snark, right? No, really, I'm asking YOU.

So, that's why I'm linking the Foresight post since you may not have seen it earlier, so it may be new to you. And not to steal from NBC....oh, what the hell? They're not using it anymore.

And you're probably not even reading this post anymore.....are you?

Me neither.

The Old Switcheroo

Dear little girl who looks like my daughter,

You're cute and all, but we need to get some things straight. I'm not falling for this little bait-n-switch you seem to have set up. I know you're not mine.

That's right. I know what you're doing. I figured it out. It's not fun anymore. Game over, let's go back to the way things were, please.

How long did you think this little scam would work? Did you think I would not notice when I dropped my adorable, always smiling, always innocent Sprite off at daycare and then arrived that SAME AFTERNOON to pick her up and they gave me you instead?

Did you think I would not become suspicious when fifteen minutes later, my "daughter" refused to stay put in her car seat and tried to launch an attack on my belting efforts with cheerios? And then screamed out randomly the ENTIRE ride home?

Did you think I would not question when you all of the sudden decided bedtime would no longer be at 7PM and should now be updated to "Whenever I crash and try to take a dog down with me"?

Did you think you would pull the wool over our eyes when you miraculously started saying "please" and "thank you", yet now you can't sit at your bench like a big girl?

Now, to the untrained eye, you're very good at this masquerade. They all believe you to be Sprite. You've even fooled Sprite's daddy once in a while. But me? Oh no. I know an impostor when I see one.

Even Blue, Sprite's most loyal follower, is wary of you, and she's not the crunchiest milk bone in the box.

You've had some kind moments here and there and it's appreciated while we're forced to watch over you until our real daughter can be returned to us, but your chameleon abilities are starting to wane in color and the trueness of your actual nature is starting to show through.

Sprite's daddy has chalked it up to teething. Sprite's grandparents have summed it up as growing pains. I am calling this "Sprite" a spade. You are not my daughter.

Give me back my daughter! (Or at least one who's potty trained already. That would be acceptable.)

(And if daycare thinks they can charge me for both of you, they have another think coming..)

Much obliged and growing impatient,

Sprite's Mommy

PS- And when you return Sprite to us, please make sure she's had a bath first..Who knows where she's been?

"Meeska- Mooska-

Mickey Mouse!"

At first, the rat sent his girlfriend in to infiltrate our happy home. Now, he's invaded our DVR.

John has started taping episodes of "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" for Sprite so she can watch after dinner when John and I are trying to clean up the kitchen, or trying to talk the dogs back out from under our bed. ("It's okay, Harry. We took the knives away. She's not armed anymore.") (Treats help.)

The show has some songs, dancing, basic problem solving, you name it, right up a 1.5 year old's mental alley.

While most parents are either trying to (or feeling guilty for not trying to) reduce television time for their kids, John and I are going against the grain and trying to encourage it, at least a little bit. We would like to see Sprite sit down on her Elmo couch and pay attention for a couple of minutes so we can resume said chores without interruption.

This has not worked so far. The same child who can sit and read a book in your lap or stack blocks, or click her mega-blocks together for about 30 minutes, can barely last 30 seconds while parked in front of the TV. Usually she loses interest right after the first "Oh, Toodles!" is shouted, so the plot is not really revealed yet and John won't delete any neglected episodes so they start to clog the DVR memory.

Speaking of Toodles, what's with that? They call on that damn thing all the time! I think on this episode, I counted 5 times the phrase "Oh, Toodles!" was shouted out by different characters, making the poor mouska-tool put in an appearance and help them out of their mouska-jam. Actually, make that ten, since Mickey tells everyone to say it after him so you get to hear it twice in a row. I would love to see an episode where Toodles comes out briefly to flip off the Mouska-bunch or appears with a strike sign for more mouska-pay every time he's mouska-called, like when they can't can't collectively find their mouska-way out of a paper bag.

I have to give a a couple of cool points to the show though. They Might Be Giants, a fun, kooky, alternative rock band, around forever, is behind the "Hot Dog Dance", a song/dance performed by Mickey and his friends at the end of the episode. That gives a little edge to this saccharine-sweet kiddie crack that doesn't delve into subjects deeper or more thought provoking than possible cures for Donald's hiccups.

I'm trying to sneak a couple of "Blue's Clues" episodes onto the DVR to mix it up a bit, but I'm not used to Joe and his eyebrows yet. (Yes, I'm a Steve fan.) (I know Steve left before Sprite was born.) (So what if I was watching Blue's Clues before I had a kid?) (Can we move on please?)

Sprite at least pauses for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She hasn't even considered slowing down to see Blue discover a clue.

I'm told it could be worse though. We could have inadvertently stumbled upon the Wiggles and that's the kiddie version of heroin..

Goal Reached

I did it.

Every night, I take on the Nord with the determination that I will beat it. Last night, amped up by Sprite's bedtime, a well-timed Diet Mountain Dew, and Hairspray in the DVD player, I again attempted to outwalk the treadmill.

I kept score as the minutes became an hour and then an hour and a half. As I walked into Minute 99, I thought, What could happen? There's no more room on the display for another number. Will it reset itself like the calorie counter?

Then I reached 99 minutes, 59 seconds.

It stopped. I felt like I could do anything but stop.

The Nordictrack stopped before I did.

(I was hoping something would happen, like confetti bursting out and a congratulatory announcement streaming across the display, but no. It just stopped. Sore loser, the Nord is.)

(Yes, Return of the Jedi is on the TV right now, how did you know?)

Take A Moment.

Before you grab your gear and race to the beach, take a moment.

Before you spend your day frolicking in the sun, take a moment.

Before you fight with your husband about the price of gas, take a moment.

Before you take the time to visit with your loved ones, take a moment.

Before you stuff that hot dog into your mouth, take a moment. (Then take a Zantac.) (Sorry, couldn't keep the snark out. Trying, honest!)

Take a moment to remember why you're off from work today.

Take a moment to remember who you are and where you live.

Take a moment to remember those who sacrificed their lives to give you your freedom.

Take a moment to sympathize/commiserate with those who are grieving or celebrating the brave ones we are to honor today.

Happy Memorial Day and a heartfelt thanks to those who are still out there defending us and our freedom. My hope is to celebrate you on Veteran's Day.

Scratch 'N' Sniff Post

A/K/A I swear this is the last time I reference poop. (I'm starting to worry people here..)

Sprite's daycare sends all kinds of art home with her on a weekly basis. Some of the art, I recognize. There's the picture pages with scribbles all over them and the pasted tissue paper on letters to honor the letter of the week. And there's also the blank pages with a single crayon stroke which the teachers scrawl Sprite's name on, declare as art, and send it on home as they're trying to save room in their trash bin.

Once in a while, something like this comes along:

 

At first, I thought they were getting me back for all the diapers I made them save so I could collect samples.

Then I thought they were really scraping the bottom of the barrel (Ack! The images are too unsettling! Turn it off! Turn it off!) for art supplies.

Then I wondered if the teachers really knew what we parents were equating this ARTWORK with.

I was told by the head teacher that they had mixed the colors of the week which were green, yellow, brown, white, and pink to make a new color and this was the result with some red glitter thrown in for pizazz. (I'm sure we can recreate it if I put some red glitter on Sprite's mac'n'cheese tonight. Tomorrow, we paint!)

The head teacher was actually proud of this color and how it came about.

2 thoughts:

1. I can think of a couple of names to call this color and none of them are clean.

2. I don't think Crayola will be interested.

Already working on her credit history..

John made some Photoshop magic happen on one of Sprite's earliest pictures. She was less than 2 months old and in the perfect pose for it.

That APR better be fixed and less than 9.99%, young lady..