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Family

July 04, 2009

Celebrating the family firecracker

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Last year, I snapped this photo of Sprite and John as we took in the city's July 4th celebration, completely unaware that another kind of fireworks was happening elsewhere in the state.

That night, we came home, waterlogged from the downpour, and found a message on our phone. Our sister-in-law, still about a month away from her due date, had gone into labor and delivered our niece Alyssa, thus cementing our July 4th plans for the foreseeable future.

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(I know, cute, right? You want one, don't you?)

I can't believe a year has passed so quickly and now Alyssa can finally claim a finger for "How old are you?" questions.

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From a firecracker of a baby to a very laid back almost toddler, she has claimed her spot in the family with ease. I don't think I have one picture of a cross face for her.

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..Well, okay. Maybe one. I'm sure she can hold her own against Sprite in the attention getting arena.
 

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She's already trying..

Happy birthday, Alyssa.You may have to share your birthday with America, but we'll always say those fireworks are for you. (...Until you're old enough to know better. But let's leave those myths like fireworks and Santa alone so you can discover the truth like every other kid out there. In school.) 

To everyone else out there, have a happy and SAFE Fourth of July! 

June 21, 2009

Homecoming

He was home. His business trip was finally over.

I hung up with him as I turned into the airport's entrance.

"Okay, Sprite. Daddy's here. Wanna go get Daddy?"

I peeked at the rear view mirror and saw her staring dimly at the DVD player. It was late, too far past her bedtime, way too far past her logic's threshold. We were both running on fumes by now and  I had the feeling that I could have dangled the Princesses in front of her face and her reaction would have stayed the same.

Once we parked, the tired child immediately demanded a ride in my arms as we steered toward Baggage Claim.

I looked around, slowing my steps down, trying to peer through the throng of people  congregated around the only working carousel. "I wonder where Daddy is." Sprite's head stayed glued to my shoulder, not interested in my one-sided conversation.

Then she heard it. A whistle coming from about 100 feet ahead of us. She straightened and looked into my eyes. "Daddy?" Her voice sounded hopeful after a week of only seeing him through the computer camera.

The whistle sounded again. This time, I spotted him in the crowd.  Stopping, I put her down and pointed him out to her.

"Daddy!"

She had spotted him. Forgetting about the distance and the people she would have to navigate to get to him, she bolted.

He leaned down, his arms opening wide while I fumbled for my camera to try to capture the moment they made contact with each other. I didn't quite get what I wanted.

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I watched them embrace and heard her scream with excitement and him exclaim over her dress and her hair, compliments he knew she wanted to hear, the musical voice he knew she loved. He pulled a Belle doll out of his carry-on bag to present to her, but the doll played second fiddle to him. She was much more interested in him.

I walked over to the two of them lost in their greeting, one spilling over with words she didn't quite understand to fill him in on everything he had missed in her week, and the other studying her closely for any signs of change that may have possibly happened while he was away.

Reaching them, I stole a kiss for myself, happy that my partner was back, my co-pilot in parenthood. We secured his luggage and walked out of the airport quickly, as if that would expedite out return to normal, at least the normal we knew.

A few moments later, I realized they had stopped. I turned around and caught them still chatting and soaking up each other's essence. This time, my camera captured exactly what I wanted to see.

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Only he can make her smile like that. And only she can make him smile like that.

Happy Father's Day, John. Sprite and I love you very much.

And a happy Father's Day to everyone else out there too, especially if you can make your kids smile just by coming home.

June 03, 2009

I want my Mommy.

The other shoe has dropped. (John's trip being the first foot in need of a Dr. Shull's.)

When we heard about John's upcoming (read: now) trip, I pulled an Ace out of my sleeve to keep my life semi-normal. I dangled the grandchild card in front of my mother and she took the bait, offering a week of services ranging from plain ole' house sitting to child distraction to company to another body to make the house a little more full to detract possible intruders who would somehow KNOW there was another body in the house and decide to pick on the house two blocks over. (This is the way my mind works. Scientists are looking into it..)

She and her arsenal of quilting crap rode into town late last week and all was good. John left, Dad came and left, and the toddler turned to Baba for everything, somehow realizing that even though I make the rules, I call Baba "Mom", and since I call someone else "Mom", I am no longer the  "Mom" Sprite thought I am, therefore my throne has been usurped in Sprite's eyes, and Baba is now Supreme Ruler. She's WRONG of course, but two year olds tend to skip steps when it comes to logic (kind of like men when reading instruction manuals), so we'll let it slide for now. But still! All was good!

Then the call came. (In the middle of us watching Harry Potter, no less. So rude.)

An issue had arisen, not one I can speak of since it's not my business to speak of it, you hear? Or not? (Everyone's fine. I'm not even fully aware of it myself, but everyone is fine. And that's all I know about that.) Anyway, my mom was needed back on the East side of the world that is Florida, and she asked me if it was alright if she left, even though her plan was to stay on through Sunday morning.

"If you have to go, go," I answered. "We're okay here. We love having you, but if you're needed, then you should go."

Crap. She believed me. I was hoping she would call my bluff and see how much I wanted her to stay.

Mom left yesterday morning and I texted John to tell him the news. He wrote back that he will gladly take the child off my hands for all of Sunday when he's back safe and sound. (Especially since once Sprite realizes it's just me and her, she will turn the dogs into her little minions and stage a coup on my sanity. And you know what? I think she'll win.) He had offered this little prize on Sunday morning when I drove him to the airport, but I laughed it off since Hello! My mom will be here! This is gonna be a cake walk! I have since had my lawyer draft a contract insuring John's agreement to take over toddler watch on Sunday and am waiting for the fax from John and his notary.

This post may come off as a little (a lot? My judgment is skewed.) whiny, but I am only in the "breaking the ice" stage of my pity party so allow me a few vents. (Plus, it's my blog. I'll whine if I want to.) (Sorry for the subconscious song download into your frontal lobe.. I should go back and delete that last tangent.) (Nah.) As much as I love my independence, a trait Sprite surely inherited from me, I have also realized that sometimes it's just NICE to be able to depend on my mom. It's nice to be able to "tag out" when I need a breather. And it's sobering to realize what a cake walk my life has been so far.

I always take John's presence for granted in the fact that I can bitch and whine about him putting the kid to bed since "it's been a day" and sometimes, when John sees a certain look on my face predicting the ensuing night will not be a fun one, he even offers it just to give me a break. Do you know how lucky, truly LUCKY I am to have this kind of teamwork in my home?

So when he has to leave town on business, do I take on the extra responsibility without complaint? No, I call my mommy. And I was getting away with it too. But, she's needed back at home. She's wanted here, but not needed, truth be told.

After my mom called me from the road on her way home and I realized Sprite and I would not have our favorite Mom there when we arrived home, I suddenly became very tired as I pictured a long night and an even longer bedtime as Sprite ran rampant over my inert body splayed across her hopscotch rug. I also imagined I was about twenty pounds lighter, so the daydream wasn't ALL bad.

Once home though, things weren't bad at all. The dogs were walked, the toddler was bribed with M&M's to eat one stupid piece of ground turkey fed, got a dunk in the tub, and even had a video conversation with John on the computer, before she asked for endless stories got one book and tucked in. The night ran long, but we survived! And we will survive tonight, maybe even tomorrow. And Friday night? I am going to stick a DVD on repeat play and hope she stays still while I crash somewhere nearby, maybe even on the hopscotch rug, which seemed pretty comfortable in my daydream may even have a sleep over with her!

Basically, we will get through this. I will man up and parent my kid like so many single parents do out there without the option of giving themselves a time out. I honestly respect the hell out of my sister who does it day in and day out with my nephew.

So no more complaints! I'm going to be a manmom and suck it up until Saturday night when I arrive at the airport with a bathed and nightgown-ed toddler in my arms ( I swore I would never take my kid out in public while dressed in pajamas, but this vow was made before I found out that Sprite has a penchant for her sleepwear. I'm willing to be "that mom" for a couple of minutes and may even go the extra mile and let Sprite ride the baggage claim belt for a few. Only if she's good, of course..), and when I see John come up the concourse with a big smile on his face and his arms opening wide, I will shove said toddler into his waiting arms and excuse myself for a stiff one welcome my missed and under-appreciated husband home with a big kiss and THEN shove the kid into his arms and buy myself a drink.

Now, I'm asking all of you. To the married's whose spouses sometimes skip town for a few, what do you do to  make things easier on you and the kid? To the singles who I am raising my glass to, how do you keep it together the way you do? I have until Saturday evening and I don't want to resort to counting down minutes. (The hours have already been calculated.)

Is it Saturday yet?

May 28, 2009

And now the conclusion to our story!

In case those tuning in missed out on yesterday's fun,

Just click on this here link and read over Part One.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reacting to the nurse's words, I drove Sprite in to be seen,

Even though of an expensive co-pay, I wasn't really keen.

She wasn't crying anymore, but her hands remained clasped tight,

Never moving from their eternal post at her belly button site.

She still refused to walk and stand when we got to the parking lot,

So, I carried her in and registered my mysteriously broken tot.

Yet, once the bracelet was applied and we were in the waiting room,

Her gray cloud disappeared and took with it the haze of gloom.

She started chattering excitedly, looking around in glee,

And taking a few steps at a time, between the chairs and me.

As soon as the triage nurse called for Sprite's name,

Sprite jumped up and smiled broad, was this some kind of game?

When the nurse tried to examine her, she started bouncing about,

The nursed glanced back at me patiently, taking in my look of doubt.

"Don't worry, you're not jumping the gun, she should still be seen,

These symptoms you've described should be checked, her bill of health marked clean."

We were taken to the exam area, where John found us soon,

And listened with amazement (and a little relief) to Sprite's happy tune.

She no longer resembled the sad little waif I had described on the call,

In fact, she was jumping on the hospital bed, not looking sick at all.

The doctor ordered an X-Ray and a catheter to get pee,

Yet, now all of these tests no longer seemed needed to me.

We described what we had seen and heard and what we knew as fact,

While thinking somewhere deep down in that this may have been an act.

Finally, the doctor returned with an X-Ray and the scoop,

"All this white stuff that you see? Is a few days worth of poop."

And as she explained the interior of Sprite's intestinal map,

John turned to his treasured girl and quipped, "Kid, you're full of crap."

"An enema for now," the doctor said, "and the rest in time will pass,"

As John thought of the expected bill, "That is some expensive gas."

The nurse brought in the torture device and began her intrusion,

As Sprite held onto John's neck, screaming with shock and confusion.

To add insult to injury, she had to walk the corridor,

For the stuff to work even better, I helped her pace the floor.

For a few minutes, it was a grand ole time, she had a cheery greeting,

For every patient we passed on the ER floor, every child she was meeting.

Until it happened, quick as a shot, a wave of fear passed through my pup,

And she held up her arms, her eyes wide in alarm, and shouted at me, "Up!"

I somehow got her back to base and knelt down in front of her,

And opened my arms for my poor little girl whose insides began to stir.

The noise made quite a symphony, and John thought I was daft,

Because it struck me as funny, and I laughed and laughed and laughed.

All the while, Sprite held on, her knuckles surely white,

Us both in tears for different reasons, we must have been a sight.

Finally, the explosion passed, and she relaxed in quiet relief,

Happy to get the poop party started, thankful the hurt was brief.

An ER trip, enema, and blocked up bowels, three milestones all in one,

Who knew that this trifecta of firsts would be so much fun?

So to sum up my epic poem and find closure to the frustration,

She went in with possible! appendicitis, and walked out with constipation.

Our night was over before it began, and we made our weary way home,

Sprite to bed, John to WoW, and me to this here poem.

So my friends, that is all there is to this tale of woe,

We may have missed Must See TV, but we definitely got a show.

(Yes, she's feeling much better now. Sprite was back to her usual shenanigans the very next morning.)

May 20, 2009

Redux Reflux

(Editor's Note: Lately, I've been looking back on my archives, just trying to remember the frame of mind I was in when I first posted them, and as I went 2/08 through 2/09 posting every day, there was a lot to comb through. Would you believe I have almost 600 posts in this site? I know, talk about hot air! If the government could develop hot air (which is not steam, I checked) into an energy resource, this site would probably be able to power up Manhattan for a day at least. Anyway, I happened upon this one post which reminded me of my post last week when I joked about how much of a failure I am. Please to read this one and enjoy with me how much of a hovering parent I was just one year ago, when organic cookies and unsweetened applesauce were just as important as the child's safety. And this was AFTER I had already shed most of my hover-iness. Such a wreck... Meh. At least I can look back and laugh.)

(Editor's Note II: This may be the laziest post I've ever written. Feel free to flame me for this.)

Foresight (For Naught?) (Originally posted May 21, 2008)

Not to be confused with foreskin. (Sooo glad I have a girl so I could dodge that circumcision knife...)

For those who are thinking more towards foreboding, then you and I are on the same wavelength. We work well together, you and I. (And just between us, if I wasn't happily married and trying to convince my husband that a second baby is EXACTLY what our budget needs, I would totally be into you...)

All mothers (at least the ones not in the news for really horrid reasons) have some type of foresight when it comes to their kids. You know, the sixth sense, a mother's intuition, inner voice, etc. Fathers do too, but I have seen one case where the dad obviously had his inner voice's volume turned down or on mute since he thought letting his toddler walk on the ledge of a mall fountain was perfectly acceptable while every mother in the vicinity was mentally preparing to adopt this child as soon as they hit the speed dial for DCF on their already whipped out cell phones. (I couldn't find mine.)

My foresight is what gets me into trouble with John sometimes. While we were staying at my folks' this weekend, he took Sprite to see his parents while I joined my sister and best friend for a girls' night out. I walked him and Sprite out to the car and kept reminding him of what not to do thus earning some points on my Frequent Flying off the Handle Miles.

"She has organic cookies and unsweetened applesauce in her diaper bag. Don't give her any other sweet snacks. No chocolate. No candy. No sugar. No ham." (In my defense, baked ham is coated in sugar and pineapple slices, so it fits...Wanna fight about it?)

John gave me the look. You know. The look. The one that says "Don't go there."

I gave him my look. The one that says, "I've been there since late 2006. I own there. Come on over. The weather's nice."

I kept going with my check list anyway since I knew I would be thinking about it later and it made better sense to ruin his next 10 minutes than my entire evening. "Make sure she stays away from the liquor bottles (you know, she may try to pour a little Kahlua into her milk and she's not a happy drunk) and keep a constant eye on her."

John stared at me for a few seconds as he sat in the car. I stared back, unrelenting.

He sighed and drove off.  (Granted, I sometimes go overboard when I talk to him or others on the safety and care of Sprite, but I have to remind John, I do this more to appease my own inner voice than nag him just for the sheer joy of it.) (Okay, sometimes, just for the sheer joy of it, but this time, I swear, my inner voice needed some appeasement.)

I am forever looking into my crystal ball at cause and effect. Cause and effect is what makes Sprite's World go round.

Example: If Sprite stands on that table and acts like a bed-jumping monkey, she may lose her balance. This will cause her to fall. And Mommy will be forced to put down the laundry/phone/blog, so it's best to circumvent the fate that beholds the teetering tot before it happens and save the tears for something more serious, like when Mommy doesn't let her sit on Blue. (Blue doesn't realize how much I really do for her. Get a rub or avoid possible injury? Guess what wins?)

Yes, this can be tedious and annoying to others. I'm not going to defend why I do it. I know it's annoying. But, it's me. And that's my kid. No, not that one. That one.

John is more laid back in his approach. He takes the "Maybe she won't be interested in the outlet/broken trike/lawn mower and there will be no problem." or "Let's burn that bridge when we get there." avenue. My crystal ball shows me a lot of pot holes in his ass-phalt (no, not a typo, shut up Typepad), but I have to live with it for the most part.

John's foresight has not been entirely clear in the past, but never where Sprite is concerned. He's always really careful with her and is more gentle with her than, say, the dogs. He thinks nothing of body slamming our beagle (she's not complaining, PETA, okay?), but won't let Sprite get her hands too close to a door jamb to protect her little fingers. (If you think his reasoning is off, you're obviously not a parent.)

I see this. My mind registers that I see this. So, why do I have to say it? "Make sure she wears a sweater if it gets cold tonight." His automatic reply is usually, "I know" and an eye roll. I know he knows. He knows I know he knows. And now you know I know he knows I know he knows. You know? (No?)

Maybe instead of muting my foresight, I should mute my mouth. (Oh lordy, I can hear him agreeing from across the house.)

Nah, John's life would be much easier. And I don't want that..

(Hm, he's quiet now.)

(That's much better.)

May 14, 2009

Great Expectations

I caught a post over at Momformation by Kristina Sauerwein in which she was celebrating her son Ryan's first birthday and thinking back to the expectations she had envisioned while anticipating her c-section. She thought/hoped her son would be born with a head full of hair, hopefully adopt his sister's napping rituals, and she would also be able to tackle his, well, tackle box, which is something I think all new mothers or mothers with only female experience wonder about.

I shared a smile over this and remembered my own expectations when I was pregnant with Sprite. Sure, I had hopes and dreams for how she would be, but I also had hopes and dreams for the kind of mother I would be.

I would be perfect. (Stop snickering over there! I have a point!)

Whenever my little angel cried, I would immediately find the answer to her problems and she would quiet down into the sweet cherub who slept like clockwork.

Diaper blowouts? Of course, my diaper bag would store 2 replacement outfits within its arsenal and I would never leave the house without confirming I had enough diapers for an overnight stay. This included trips to the store. 

I would never yell at my darling girl when she broke a rule, instead I would come down to her level, make eye contact, explain in a clear and concise voice what should be done, and she would do it.

I would never spank my child either, instead using my words to teach a solution thus earning her respect and her earning my respect in return.

I would answer all of her questions of "Why?" and even encourage them, giving her as much time as she needs to grow into an independent thinker.

I would keep up with my child, playing with dolls and sipping my "tea", and not resorting to repeated movies to get through the day.

My child would never be seen in a store without shoes and I would be able to cast judgment on those who actually thought it was "okay", because my daughter would be wearing her footwear.

My child would never question my authority, because I would never give her the opportunity to do so. My word would be law and she would know better than to disregard that law.

And of course, I would have my child potty trained by 2 since my child would obviously be perfect like my ideals.

(Where's my drink?)

Let's fast forward a couple of years and see how I've lived up to those expectations, okay?

I'm not perfect. (Do you REALLY need examples?) (Okay, fine..)

Crying: For the first three months of her life, Sprite had a crying fit every night at 7PM that lasted for about 60 minutes, which John and I quickly named "The Witching Hour". We realized it was all a part of growing, and while she was most difficult to deal with during her venting session, we were getting off lucky. But NOTHING calmed her down. Smooth jazz? NO. A pacifier? UH UH. A guarantee that she would be the absolute favorite child no matter how many kids came our way? I'm serious! I was thisclose to calling a notary! NOT EVEN A PAUSE. I should have known then that she was setting me up for a big fail-a-ganza. (FOOL!)

Diaper blowouts: I remember a moment during my first Mother's Day breakfast out with family when I smelled that yeasty breast milk hint and felt something on my arm as I held my adorable little spitter. She had experienced a blowout and needed changing fast before our meals came. I called my sister in (she was sitting next to me) for reinforcements and we set off for the ladies room to change Sprite quickly. As soon as we got her onto the changing table within the cramped restroom, I quickly realized that I had one dress/onesie (which was already used and pushed down into the bag to be forgotten until that very moment my pancakes were being delivered to the table) and one diaper left. Oh yeah, and no wipes. My sister and I took turns holding my "Just learned how to turn over, let me show you my neat trick, Mommy!" wiggler and running to the sink to wet down paper towels so we could clean her off. We were just short of giving her a bath in the sink, she was so covered. Why hadn't I checked the bag before we left? Why hadn't I followed my own orders to make sure I was prepared for this possible scenario? Free failing, people.

Yelling: At the first sign of Sprite's ultimately large sense of self, I was extremely patient with her and turned every discipline worthy action into a teaching lesson for both of us. Looking back on this, I was just excusing her behavior and not nipping her actions in the butt bud, but then, when she was one, everything was done for curiosity's sake anyway. Now, she blatantly defies authority again and again for attention, whether good or bad. I find my voice rising all the time in outright shock, "Sprite! Stop pulling Blue's tail!" "No, you may NOT sit on Harry!" "Do NOT close that door!" "Get away from the oven! Hot! HOT!!" and my all time favorite and most repeated "What did I just say?" when she neglects to put on her "listening ears" and tries the same thing again, usually right in front of me. (Mom, I can already see your fingers itching to click on "Post a comment".) (Oy.) (I can envision her comment now, "Dear Jen, Fail. Love, Mom. PS- What goes around comes around.")

Spanking: I still have yet to spank Sprite, but then again, most of her crimes are considered misdemeanors and corporal punishment should be reserved for felonies. My parents spanked us on occasion (read "when deserved") and Lee and I grew up just fine, same for John, but I still hold onto the idea that words are much more meaningful and can strike a bigger blow than a slap across the tushy. I want Sprite to know when I'm disappointed and work hard to avoid me telling her that. I want Sprite to apologize for her actions, not cry (or worse, laugh) when I'm punishing her. So, the jury is still out on this one. (But, I have been tempted a few times..)

"Why?": At first, I entertained her questions. Now, I understand why the standard adult answer is "because I said so." It's the only answer that doesn't invite the next "why". It's final. It's law. Move on, little lady. Nuttin' else to ask. I haven't used it though... Yet. (I think I have a Pass on this one!)

Energy: Hey, some days, I can hack it and run circles around Sprite. Some days, if she skips just beyond my grasp, I can only sit there, because the very thought of moving makes me even more tired. So I try to entice her back into grabbing distance with questions like "Do you want to wear this pretty dress I'm holding?" or "Wanna cookie?". And yes, I have succumbed (a few times) to another showing of "The Little Mermaid" so it will keep her in one room (even if her attention is elsewhere) and keep my ass in one spot (and hopefully my sanity as well). (Er.. half a fail, okay?)

The shoes: I kept my word on that promise until one day not so long ago when we had just come back from a long road trip and needed to make a quick stop at Walmart on the way home. Sprite has a habit of removing her shoes and socks right before we stop, no fail. We could be in the car for 20 minutes or 20 hours and she will somehow know when we're getting close for you hear the THUMP THUMP of her Kiddie Keds hitting the floor. And in our van, she usually tosses them behind her head into the cavernous back. John and I were in a hurry to just get in, get out, and get home to collapse and I didn't have time for a search effort so I unbuckled her, placed her on my hip and hurried in. While walking through the store, I looked down at Sprite sitting in the child seat, looking disheveled from the long ride, her shirt smeared with Goldfish dust and possibly the remnants of an earlier sneeze, her diaper obviously full to bulging through the seams of her shorts (Ouch on the wedgie! Yet, they never complain until you fix the Huggies. What's up with that?), and her bare feet dangling down. She looked like THAT kid. Which made me THAT mom. I immediately apologized (albeit silently) to every other mother I had ever ridiculed before(silently) (Hey, I'm not stupid.) and forced myself to choke down another sip of irony and failure.

Authority: Oh, the ones! How easy it was to deflect and divert! If Sprite wanted to climb onto the coffee table or scale the tv cabinet, I would just turn her attention to something less arduous like blocks and toddler friendly activities. Then she grew a memory. And an opinion. And an attitude. My authority is merely an obstacle now, something to be overcome with charm or plain determination. Our wills battle daily and if she loses, she merely moves on to the other obstacle known as Daddy. Le fail.

Potty training: She'll be three in November. FAIL.

What am I getting at here? Well, the expectation that I would excel at this parenthood thing laughed in my face and revealed me for the fraud I really am. I am not the perfect mother. I'm a good mother because I tolerate my kid's antics (and even encourage them sometimes), but I am so far removed from who I thought I would be, I don't think I would recognize the expected me if the expected me gave the current me a LOOK on the playground.

I wish you could have seen me when Sprite was still malleable and easy to manipulate, basically before she went vertical. I was living up to my expectations (for the most part) and honestly believed I could carry it on until she was eighteen.

Once her personality woke up and she grew into a sprite, I had to drop those expectations because they no longer fit the new expectations: Keep her alive and keep my sanity. 

I just received a book about surviving toddlerhood which I will be reviewing. Maybe this book will give me new expectations on the type of mother I will become.  Maybe it will just reinforce what I've already learned, which is to expect nothing but surprises.

You can expect my review next week. No fail.

May 10, 2009

Handprint

I never understood Mother's Day as a kid. Sure, it was a day to honor Mom, make her breakfast, call a 24 hour truce to the sibling wars to remind her that motherhood is not only about breaking up fights, and lean a little more on Dad to mediate the battles that just couldn't wait for sunset.

Mother's Day presents meant a trinket, either a mug with "#1 Mom" written on it, or a photo album, whatever we could buy with the allotted amount Dad slipped us before letting us loose in the mall. Of course, this gift usually shared the receipt total with an Archie comic book or little something for us, you know, commission..  And of course, the homemade gifts, usually assembled in art class, a "required rite of childhood", a construction paper card scribbled with a slapdash poem,

"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You're my mom,
And I love you."

I didn't think anything of these crudely assembled gifts, just considered them a contribution to the holiday andsomething she would treasure because it was made by me, something she would cherish because I took the time to draw a silhouette of my hand or a stick figure representation of Mom. She would love it because it came from me. After all, I was the reason she was a mom, no?

I was so freaking selfish when I was a kid. Only, I was right. About everything. I just didn't know it until now.

I received a "gift" from Sprite for Mother's Day. It was taped to her cubby when I picked her up from daycare on Friday.  The 8 x 11 magenta colored construction paper was the background for a flower picture, Sprite's pink handprint acting as the blooming flower. The same corny poem was glued to the stem that they had provided last year, just another art project. I rolled my eyes and detached it from the cubby's door before I began to remove her blanket and sheet for weekend washing. My eye caught the pale pink of her handprint once more and I studied it more closely as I stood there in an empty classroom, Sprite and her classmates just outside in the hall, tormenting their teacher.

When had her handprint become so big?

For a moment, I tried to process all that had happened in the last year between 2008's handprint and 2009's. There was too much to consider, too many little memories that had already slipped away, eclipsed by the bigger events of time. I actually teared up a little, holding onto that paper present. I knew this was the only gift actually coming from Sprite this year, it would be many more before the mugs and photo albums would be unwrapped for Mother's Day. But this gift meant so much in the fact that it was tangible evidence of my child, a landmark of sorts. I would store this card right on top of last year's in a safe place. And next year's handprint flower will join this one until she's old enough to print out a message in her own words and sign her name at the bottom changing the look of the card, and on and on as these homemade cards become their own Mother's Day time line, each year more elaborate than the last as she adds another piece of herself to the gift. 

Now I get it. I will treasure these "required rites of childhood" because they came from her. Every scribbled "I love you, Mom" will trump the flowers and candy. The messy glued hearts on construction paper will warm my own heart so much more than the mug she decides to get me when John lets her pick out my present. Every personalized Mother's Day card will be kept and honored. Because it came from her. After all, she IS the reason I am a mom, no?

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(taken with my Mother's Day present. Thanks, John. I love it!)

Happy Mother's Day, everyone!

April 15, 2009

Since when did the Easter Bunny take to shopping at Toys R Us?

Please forgive me. I'm about to bash Easter. Kindly, though! Please do not light your torches until after the comments section has been opened. (That is, if I feel brave enough to open the comments section..) And remember, this is a non-smoking blog. Thanks.

Considering Easters past, I can recall Sundays of little girls and boys in their Sunday best, collecting Easter eggs from hidden spots where the hollow ovals would be opened to reveal either candy, a coin, or if they were lucky (or had rich parents), even a dollar. Sometimes, they got a bum egg and they accepted it anyway. (Unless they had rich parents or were spoiled. Or both.)

The Easter baskets would be filled with Cadbury eggs, jelly beans, and maybe a little stuffed bunny or chick or whatever animal was prone to repeated reproduction and left for the kiddies to find.

Now, of course, being the one Jewish family on the block, we did not participate in the Easter finery, or get our yearly picture taken with the Easter Bunny, but Lee and I still received a small consolation basket from my mother, who was determined to make sure we would not be completely left out from the merriment. (And she had a yen for jelly beans.) (Yes, you did, Mom. Caught you a couple of times..) Sure, we were allowed to play along when the school ran it's huge egg hunt and had a ton of fun with that, but Easter for us usually meant that our friends would most likely not be able to play that day.

As we grew, Mom stopped buying into the entire candy routine. I believe her reasoning was, "You get an allowance. Buy your own damn candy!" or something to that extent. (My teen years are a little fuzzy..) (Okay, maybe I'll close down the comments section to just my mom... Can I DO that?)

Now, being a parent myself and being married to a Catholic man, I get to join the legions of parents trying to prove to their kids that the Easter Bunny does exist, although Sprite didn't look too convinced when she saw him at the mall on Saturday.

When Sprite was old enough to walk and grab at the brightly colored plastic eggs, we brought her to the city's celebration where we stuck to the outskirts of the enormous crowd and let Sprite mosey around in her own little area and pick up what she pleased. We didn't entertain the thought of making her an Easter basket, because, Dude, she was hardly 18 months old, she wouldn't appreciate the chocolates like we would so why shell out the money? I never looked into it.

This year, it was a different story. I knew we would be making a day trip to Nana and Papa's house, so I started eying the pre-made baskets that the grocery chains had to offer. And tripped over my own sputtering. Toys? And not just little stuffed animal toys. Big toys. Regulation basketballs. Barbie dolls. Little-est Pet Shop dolls. (I really hope Sprite completely sails past that particular trend. I don't think my vacuum could survive that many little parts.) I saw baskets playing up to the sports minded, the princess minded, the farm animal minded, the video game minded, the CRAWLING minded. If you have a kid who fits into any genre, I'm sure there's a basket out there for you. These baskets were overflowing with offerings, mostly plastic, and of course, the candy was represented. (Yo yo, and a Yum.)

Some of the baskets retailed for $9.99, although their content would suggest you're getting it for a steal. Some of the baskets went all the way for a cool fifty, with two Nintendo DS games nestled in the fake grass, right next to the M&M's. Intimidated, I backed away from the baskets and re-thought my strategy. We're raising this kid Jewish for goodness sake. Let her have her egg hunts at the day care, some candy at Nana's, and don't play into this hype. It's not her birthday, it's not Christmas, It's not Hanukkah, Hell, it's not even Arbor Day, let it ride! She's two, she won't even notice.

Sunday morning, we dressed her nicely, (Of course, I would acknowledge the Easter finery, plus her photographer uncle would be there, so I was hoping to snag some pictures from him. Um, Ryan? Does this count as a request?) (I know. I'm so bad.) (Please, Ryan?) and delivered her to her grandparents' door to have some fun with her aunts, uncles, and cousins. As soon as we entered though,

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Hi, Easter baskets!

And to top it off, the very object of her affections, a Sleeping Beauty Barbie doll was sitting high and regal above the other prizes and candies. And not to give all the attention to Sprite, her baby cousins collected some nice loot too.

So, where is this post going? Good question. I could throw a couple more cute photos at you to deter you from trying to gain a point from this blathering on, but I actually have a question. (Or two.)

When did Easter succumb to the excess? When did gifts (and I don't mean the candy) become the norm? When did people start treating this religious holiday as an excuse to buy presents? Sure, egg hunts are a great way to get kids involved and the Easter Bunny is the biggest mascot I can think of other than Santa Claus (or the Cleveland Indians) (Sorry, but that mascot immediately comes to mind.), but buying plastic toys to fill the basket? Doesn't that take away from the holiday when you have kids clamoring over each other to "open!" their toys while you're trying to have Easter dinner or partake in Mass? Can't people just buy smaller baskets and keep it to only candy?

Or is that it? The competition of the baskets... Yeah, I can see it. The kid with the bigger basket won. So, everyone started getting larger baskets. Then it became a problem of filling the baskets with just candy, so they turned to toys...  and the snowball picked up speed. (Can I blame this on Mattel? From the abundance of Barbie dolls decorating the baskets, I have to think they had a hand in this.)

Easter, to me at least, has always represented a celebration of family, a celebration of church, a celebration of the very thing that makes Christians believers. Now, again, since I am Jewish, I am in no way slamming the faith at all. I respect it very deeply. And while I appreciate the fun aspects of celebrating Easter, I just can't get my mind around the burgeoning Easter baskets or the excuses we parents use to heap more excess upon the kids who would most likely be just as happy to get a Peep as they would to get a Wii. (Of course, this would be dependent on the child not knowing they had the choice of a Peep or a Wii. Because if the child knew they had the choice, I would seriously doubt the child would even acknowledge the Peep.) (Unless that child was Sprite. Bright colors? She's all over that. And marshmallow? Score.)

Unfortunately for Sprite, (Or fortunately. She probably won't cast an opinion for another year at least.) John and I are not joining the basket barrage and her only prize will be what she collects in a plastic egg or gets from the grandparents. (Since we have no control over how they spoil their grand-kids.) (Yes, I know we have some control, but come on! I'm denying her the coolest thing! If they wanna slip in some spoilage, let them.) (I know that thought will come back to haunt me..) We're going to celebrate the way we remember it, and toys are not the way we remember it.

Ooh, look! a cute picture! Just look at it for a few minutes and all will be right in the world...

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(The three "princesses" of the family. Sprite, Alyssa-9 months, and Daniela-4 months, or as I spent Sunday calling them, "Small, Medium, and Large".)

(Are we good?)

(Phew!)

March 28, 2009

In A New England State of Mind

Six and a half years ago, I started working for my current company. In the beginning, I was shipped off for a month of training in 2 week installments to Tampa to learn the ways of my employer. I met Yvonne pretty early on and something clicked. We just caught on.

Now, the fact that Yvonne lived and worked in Indiana and I was a Florida gal didn't mean much. It wasn't an effort to pick up the phone once in a while and chat, and having our jobs in common made for some pretty good topics.

Along the way, our lives changed as time lines dictate, yet we always kept in contact. Then the news came. Yvonne wastransferring down to Florida. To work in my office! I was so stunned by her announcement, I hated to drop my own bomb. I was leaving to move to Ft. Myers since John and I were building a home on the West side of the state. Within a month of my vacating the Ft. Lauderdale office, Yvonne moved down with her husband.

We still kept in contact, having even more in common now that she and I knew so many of the same people.

Then I became pregnant with Sprite. Not long after, she became pregnant with her daughter Addison. Our two were born 3 months apart.

Play dates became cross-county affairs, each side sacrificing 4 hour round trip drive so the girls could play together and we could see each other. We were able to make this work for almost two years, until the economy pulled a one-two punch.

Now Paul, Yvonne, and Addison are moving up to Massachusetts. Today in fact. Realizing we had little time left to see each other, we scrambled to rearrange our schedules and met last weekend for some lunch and a last play date before they left.

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Yvonne and me at my baby shower. She was five months along, I was eight.

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The results of that baby shower picture, playing in the sand at Ft. Lauderdale Beach last weekend.

We promised to try to get up to their new area to visit, but my heart breaks in the knowledge that the Recession makes that less of a possibility than we'd like. At least for the next couple of years.

Sorry for making things personal today, but I want to wish a final Bon Voyage to Yvonne and her family as they begin a new life in a beautiful part of the country.

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We miss you already.

March 25, 2009

Technically speaking, all bunnies are bastards.

"Here, Sprite, I got you a bunny!"

John walks over from the register holding the prize while Mom works on securing Sprite into her stroller.

"Bunny rabbit!" Her fingers open and close in classic "Gimme!" fashion as her eyes widen in desire.

John hands over her treasure and she nuzzles its face with her own while her hands carress its back.

"What are you going to name it?" I asked.

"Thanks, Daddy," she mumbles, already bouncing the stuffed brown and white doll up and down on her tray, breathing life into the lovie.

John leans over and looks at the tag attached to the rabbit's ear. "It's name is Baxter."

"I like 'Thanks, Daddy' better," I reply as we leave the store.

"Hop hop hop," Sprite narrates the doll's actions throughout the walk back to the van.

"Is the bunny named Hop Hop?" I ask.

"Yes, Hop Hop," she answers. Done. The rabbit is now bequeathed Hop Hop.

Starting the drive home, I call to Sprite in her car seat, "Sprite, what's the bunny's name?"

"Hop Hop," she smiles, continuing her bunny bouncing.

"His name is Baxter. BAXTER," John adds from the driver's seat.

"Bastard."

My dad dissolves into laughter once he realizes what his granddaughter just said, as I chime in, "Let's stick with Hop Hop."

I will never be able to look at that doll again without thinking the more colorful name.

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"Hop Hop, I presume?"

Weirdly enough, Sprite's dolls seem to come by their monikers based on conversations between John and myself. When Sprite was still a sedentary speed bump, her grandmother brought her a teddy bear. I asked John what he wanted to call the bear.

Mid-yawn, he answered back, "We'll name it tomorrow. I'm tired."

"You want to name it tomorrow?" (If I ever re-phrase something you say as a question, consider it fair warning.)

"Yes, I don't want to think about this tonight. Tomorrow."

I smiled. "Tomorrow it is."

Sick 

That's right, the bear's name is Tomorrow, has been for two years. After John's initial objections, he's learned to accept the inevitable. He also carefully considers what he says now before he gives me an answer. (Smart man.)

Time for you to step up to the Confessional. What is the most unique name you've given a doll or lovie? Or maybe your own child honored their favorite tag-a-long with a cute title. What is it?