Sprite's Keeper

Opening for a Princess?

Hey, can we talk? Mommy is always on this blog and I never get a chance to do my own thing, so I just spilled a big cup of juice in the kitchen. She'll be busy for a while. Are you?

Great. It's just.... Well, it's more like... How do I say this?

I'm mad.

I'm really mad.

When my cousin was born on July 4th, everyone went crazy. My Nana cried. My mommy cried. My daddy was excited. It was a little weird seeing how the baby isn't going to live with any of them. The baby is supposed to live with Aunt Loni and Uncle Jeff, right? At least, that's what they told me. Do YOU know something I don't? Is the baby going to take my room?

But that's not what I'm mad about.

They made me sit in the car for EVER on Sunday when they went to visit Baby Ali. (I can't say Alyssa yet, so it's Ali for me.) On the way there, Mommy and Daddy kept telling me how exciting it was going to be with another little girl in the family and how much fun we were going to have. I really don't understand this. I have 3 boy cousins and they're all wrapped around my finger. What could be more fun than THAT?

So, we came all the way to the hospital to see the new princess and the entire time, I'm thinking, I better like her. She better be nice. She better help me spread the word of Sprite. But then, the adults had another conversation, one I couldn't hear. And the plan changed.

We got to the hospital (finally!) and saw Uncle Jeff coming up to us. He gave me a big hug and started talking about his new little girl and got Mommy and Daddy all excited again. They just kept saying how much they couldn't wait to see Baby Ali.

And I was standing right there! Hellloooo! The nerve..

Oh, and get this! Mommy pushed Daddy ahead with Uncle Jeff to go see the baby and Mommy kept me outside.

They wouldn't let me see the baby!

They'd spent the last 5 months yammering about a little girl coming, and the second they found out that she was here, they changed our Sunday plans (I was gonna go to the PARK, people!) and made me sit in a van for a gazillion hours and now all of the sudden tell me I can't see my cousin? All this hype and nothing?

Mommy explained something about germs and made it look like I could have infected the baby! Um, last I checked, isn't she the one who bathes me? She should know!

Oh, wait! It gets better. Mommy then took me to the gift shop while we waited for Daddy and wouldn't let me touch anything. How rude is that? And they had Wonder Pet beanie babies! She wouldn't let me have one! I'm sorry, but does anyone out there understand how unfair this is? Dragging me across the state, denying me the park, teasing me about seeing my baby cousin, DENYING me access to the cousin, and then not letting me have a toy? Surely, my loss of valuable play time and inconvenience is worth $6.95!

And then when Daddy came back, Mommy made me stay with him and SHE went to see the baby! And when she came back, she kept saying how she wanted another one. WHAT?!

What did Baby Ali say to her in there?

I'm mad.

I'm really mad.

So far, this is not working out the way I had planned. Baby Ali was supposed to be my sidekick, princess in training, help spread the word of Sprite and take over the East Coast territory once she could sit up without help. Now, it looks like she's trying to pull everyone to her side. Uncle Jeff and Aunt Loni are already loyal to her cause. Nana is teetering. I'm watching Mommy and Daddy closely.

If I'm not careful, my entire kingdom could crumble. I may even lose Airee and Blue! Well, not Blue. She'll do anything I say as long as food is involved.

Wait.

I think I have a solution.

I'll recruit another princess! Just in case Baby Ali doesn't join my team, I'll have another princess in the ranks to help me.

This is good. This is really good. If you can't recruit 'em, gang up on 'em.

Wow, thanks for listening. I'd say thanks for the advice, but you didn't offer any.

You know, you could try talking back once in a while. You're awfully quiet.

"Sprite!"

Oh, gotta go! This is just between you and me, okay? And if you know of any little girls out there who would like to be a princess, let my second in command, Rupert, know.

Okay, bye!

The Duck Won

Sprite: You don't look so tough, duckie.

Duck: .....

Sprite: Heh, heh. This duck is easy to push around. Look!

Duck: Be careful, kid. I come back with a vengeance.

Sprite: Duck is going down!

Duck: I warned you...

Sprite: Hello in there!

Duck: That's right. Just a little closer..

 

Sprite: Man, your breath stinks. Hey!

Duck: Nom!

Sprite: That's not fair! Lemme go!

Duck: Mmm.. Tastes like toddler.

Sprite: I don't like this anymore!

Duck: What? You giving up? Huh?

Sprite: Mommy! Daddy!

Duck: Calling in the parents? You forfeit. We're done.

Sprite: I don't like you.

Duck: You just don't like to lose. Let's go again!

Sprite: Go way! I'm tired. *Sniff*

Duck: Who's next?

Scandalous

Headline: Scandal in Sprite's World!

According to a published report by the Truth Twister, her Spriteness herself was photographed ingesting a certain beverage known for loosening lips and inciting irrational behavior!

While the photos are grainy and a bit dodgy, they no doubt confirm the accusatory reports.

According to several sources, Sprite was seen at a local restaurant clutching her sippy cup and taking repeated gulps off the container and a paparazzi inside managed to capture the golden shot of Sprite actually drinking!

After drinking from her sippy cup, Sprite was seen belching her numbers to the amused and raucous audience at her table who supplied her with the alleged beverage.

Sprite then caught sight of the camera and the photographer was escorted from the restaurant.

Repeated attempts were made to contact Sprite's publicist who, at press time, did not respond.

Could this spell trouble in Sprite's World? Sources close to Sprite have been murmuring about her difficulty in coming to terms with a new female cousin about to be born into the family. While she has been publicly proclaiming her approval of the new princess, her private demeanor has become more volatile. A source named only as "Airee" told our reporter that Sprite is also dealing with dismal sales of her memoir, "A Day In My Diaper". "Airee" also shared that she's been hitting the "juice" on a daily basis and her mood swings have been more pronounced.

Photographers were later able to capture this shot of the allegedly inebriated Sprite (See the fresh sippy cup as evidence) taking on the paparazzi herself.

Her uncle then escorted her away from the flashes of the press as she was heard shouting, "Go Way!" and "Mine!"

Stay tuned for further details...

 

Busting out of Busch Gardens (Guest Starring Abigail from the Katz Cradle!)

Sprite: I want to go see the monkeys.

Abigail: Our parents said they weren't going to that part of the park.

Sprite: That doesn't mean we have to miss the monkeys, if you know what I mean.

Abigail: Go off on our own? When?

Sprite: Maybe now while they're watching the tigers?

Abigail: Um, Sprite? The, uh, camera is pointed at us. Look innocent.

Sprite: Oh, drat....um, "Cookie?"

Abigail: "Hi!"

Abigail: Okay, so I got free. How do we get you out of this thing now?

Sprite: Just give me five minutes. I'll give them a diaper and they'll do it for us.

Abigail: Do you think that will work?

Sprite: Wait.... Oh, yeah. In fact, I only need 2 minutes. This will be fast.

Abigail: Sprite? Where are you? I found a path!

Sprite: Right behind you. Just needed a little refreshment from that diaper.

 

Abigail: This looks promising. Sprite, we just need directions to make sure we don't get lost while trying to find the monkeys.

Sprite: Um, Abby? We have a problem.

Abigail: What's that?

Sprite: Neither one of us can READ!

Abigail: This is gonna take longer than I thought.

Abigail: Okay, I just found out from a five year old that the monkeys are closer than we figured.. Sprite?..Sprite?

Sprite: Cool... dinosaurs and princesses...

Abigail: Sprite!

Sprite: Uh huh....coming...

Abigail: All right, this isn't working and I'm getting cranky. We'll regroup after nap.

Abigail: Zzzzzzzzzz........

Sprite: Zzzzzzzz-(snuffle) (snort) ....Zzzzz..

Abigail: You know, it's getting late, I'm getting hungry, I think we should just call it a day.

Sprite: Yeah, who needs monkeys when you have this cool giraffe?

Abigail: Mine.

Sprite: I'll give it back.

Abigail: My mama reads your blog. I know how you are.

Sprite: Wow, my site precedes me..

Once Upon A Sprite

Sprite: Okay, Airee and Blue. I'm going to read you a story. You have to stay there.

Blue: Right here?

Airee: Whatever.

Sprite: Once upon a time, there was a princess.

Blue: Was it a real princess?

Airee: Or one of those Disney princesses who had to marry their way into the title?

 

Sprite: ...It doesn't say, but that doesn't matter. Anyway, once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a castle surrounded by lots of tall magical trees.

Blue: What kind of tall trees?

Sprite: I don't know. They were tall magical trees. That's all it says.

Airee: Yes, but some tall trees are more magical than others, like the dogwood tree.

Blue: Hm, you bring a good point to the table.

Sprite: ANYWAY, she lived in-

Airee: You know, while the dogwood has its merits, you can't take credit away from the birch which -

Sprite: Excuse me! I am trying to read you a story and I can't seem to get more than 2 sentences in before you interrupt me!

Blue: Sorry. Go on.

Airee: (Yawn.)

Sprite: Onceuponatimetherewasaprincesswholivedinacastlesurroundedbylotsofmagicaltrees and the princess was very lonely for she had very long hair and a witch had locked her inside the castle with a magic spell-

Airee: HEARD IT.

Blue: Kid, that story is older than Repunzel.

Sprite: Fine. Be that way. I have another story I think you'll want to hear.

Airee: Go for it, kid.

Sprite: Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Sprite who had all the dog treats in the house and she threw away every dog treat except one. This one.

Blue: Touche.

Airee: You have our attention..

Water Water Everywhere

Living here in SW Florida, we are surrounded by water. The Gulf of Mexico is immediately to our left. If we happen out about 120 miles to the right, we'll hit the Atlantic Ocean. Basically, if you spin around real fast until you get dizzy, well, just keep walking. Eventually, you'll reach SOME body of water. Or, if you see some peach trees, then you've probably hit Georgia.

Now, being so close to the beach, you would probably think we're regular beach bums who can barely keep Sprite away from the water. Not exactly. Sprite has been to the beach one time, and that was to take some pictures. And the one time Sprite has been in a pool, she was only in toe deep when she started freaking out. She likes the tub. That's about it.

We found a water park area at the local park here and Sprite actually enjoys it. She likes it since she can still walk around, trying to catch water and trying to hang with the preschool set. We like it since she's not screaming bloody murder.

 

See the two to the left holding hands? That lasted about 5 seconds before the boy slapped her. Ah, young love..

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not afraid. I'm not-

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm afraid!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can do this. It's just water.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's just-

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daddy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted out anyway. I was starting to prune..

 

 

 

 

I think I'll just lay out for a while and catch some sun.

(Editor's Note: We did not allow her to lay out for any longer than just after the picture was taken as that would not be good for her and she would have made a cumbersome obstacle for the kids who were running around the area. So to avoid injury and possible sunburns, we called it a day. But still, the picture is pretty cute, right?)

Stroller Derby

This is fun!

It's not too small.

 

See? Happy over here. Not too small. No, my smile is not forced.

....Not forced at all. Um, is the camera off?

Okay, I'd like to get out now.

Ow, now, now, now! My back!

No, not back! Get me out of this! It's not fun anymore!

Oy, that's gonna hurt come morning..

Maybe this stroller is meant for someone smaller. Airee will want to ride in it. He'll fit. Airee! Airee, where are you? Come for a ride. You can be the baby!

Seriously?

Her agent is on standby..

Sprite: This apple juice looks good, but you can never be sure of what you're drinking. And kids like me need to be informed. Let me read the ingredients..Really? This is 100% juice?

Sprite: Oh, wow. It tastes like I squeezed an apple right into my mouth!

Sprite: I can tell. This is the real thing. There's no fake stuff or added sugar here!

Sprite: Yummy! (Now give them the cute concentrating on the juice profile...just like rehearsal.)

Director: And...cut!

Director: Sprite, you did a great job. We got the take.

Sprite: I don't know. I wasn't feeling it, you know? I think I wanna do it again. What's my motivation here?

Tunnel of Toddler

Sprite: Appear!

Sprite: Disappear!

Sprite: Appear!

Sprite: Disappear!

Sprite: Airee! Blue! Come here! (Hee hee!)

Blue: Mm hmm...

Sprite: Bet you can't find me!

Blue: You're kidding, right?

Harry: You're right there, kid.

Sprite: No, I'm not! I disappeared. You need to find me!

Harry: Nice try, kid.

Blue: I think we're going to go disappear.

Sprite: Stupid disappearing tunnel. That's the last time I buy anything from a five year old.

List I may, List I might

Ugh, I hate email forwards. Hate them, hate them, hate them. I got ANOTHER forward of a list in which you have to answer the questions. Hopefully, this will dissuade certain people (yes, you, you know who you are...hang your head in shame....and keep reading! Love ya.) from sending me more forwards. I'm letting Sprite take this one. Enjoy.

1. Do you like blue cheese?

Cheese can be blue? I must see this blue cheese. Bring it to me...

2. What do you think of hot dogs?

They should know better than to stay outside when it's warm. We have air conditioning, you know..

3. Favorite Christmas movie?

Movies do not give me presents, therefore I do not have a favorite.

4. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

Milk, duh!

5. Can you do push ups?

Push ups? What are those? Well, Mommy and Daddy say I can do anything, so I guess that would apply to these push ups you speak of. So, yes.

6. What is your favorite hobby?

Making Airee and Blue do my bidding.

7. Do you have A.D.D.?

Yes, I have A Doting Daddy, how did you know?

8. What's one trait you hate about yourself?

Not one thing. Everyone says everything I do is cute, so there's your proof!

9. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.

Mine, Mine, Elmo (not in that order, no, wait, the order is fine)

10. Current worry?

I'm a toddler! I only worry if the batteries in my Aquarium don't work!

11. Favorite place to be?

Wherever Mommy and Daddy are so I can keep an eye on them.

12. How did you bring in the New Year?

Is this a riddle? Like why is a raisin like a writing desk? Has ANYONE figured that one out?

13. Where would you like to go?

Sesame Street. Can you tell me how to get there?

14. Do you own slippers?

Helloo, my name is not Cinderella!

15. What shirt are you wearing?

I'm wearing a dress today. You sure don't know much, do you?

16. Favorite color?

Green. It's the only color I can say right now, so it wins by default.

17. Would you be a pirate?

Pirate? Does that have to do with pie? I like pie. Apple and banana pie. Oh, and strawberry pie! I want pie!

18. What songs do you sing in the shower?

I don't sing. I make Mommy and Daddy sing, like they think if they just keep singing the ABC's to me, I'll sing it back....the fools.

19. What's in your pocket right now?

Instructions on taking over the world in 10 days and instructions on how to play nice and share. Guess which one I'm reading?

20. Last thing that made you laugh?

Mommy hitting her head on the cabinet and saying some funny words.

21. Worst injury you ever had?

What's worse, a boo-boo, ouchie, or owie? I've had a couple of each.

22. Do you love where you live?

Free drinks whenever I want, free room service, cookies on demand, diaper changes at my disposal, Elmo on demand, what's not to love?

23. How many TVs do you have in your house?

You mean the box with the buttons on the bottom which sometimes shows Elmo? If you mean that, we have that. If you're asking how many, um, I can't count yet!

24. Who is your loudest friend?

No one is louder than me. And whatever Mommy says, that IS something to be proud of!

25. How many dogs do you have?

Again with the counting! I have a Airee and a Blue. How many is that?

26. Does anyone have a crush on you?

You do, obviously. You keep asking me questions!

27. Favorite candy?

Candy? What is this candy? Have Mommy and Daddy kept something from me?

28. What is your favorite book?

If I can step on it and still turn the page, it's a favorite. Otherwise, I really like "Bunny and Me". The way the tone captured the two friends at a crossroads in life really spoke to me. Oh, yeah, and the bunny had a fuzzy tail. I laughed. I cried. I chewed the pages. Very well-rounded.

29. Favorite sports team?

Mommy likes the Patriots. Daddy likes the Dolphins. I like the Lions because they go "Roar!"

30. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?

Why? Who were you talking to? WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!

I am so done with this. No wonder Mommy doesn't like these things. I can definitely go for some pie right now though..